To Bash a Warrior Cat
by Yami Maniac
Summary: Three strange cats appear to Firestar in a dream and Spottedleaf tells him of strange happenings to come.The strangers speak of a supposedly nonexistent Clan. Are they telling the truth?
1. Chapter 1

_**To Bash a Warrior Cat**_

_**Summary: **Three strange cats appear to Firestar in a dream and Spottedleaf tells him of strange happenings to come. The strangers speak of a supposedly non-existent Clan. Are they telling the truth?_

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_**Disclaimer: **I am pretty sure that I don't own Warriors. In fact, I know I don't._

(Set after BloodClan's defeat)

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A flame-pelted tom in his prime padded into a clearing. He had been here before. He knew this meant one thing.

"Spottedleaf! Where are you?" he called softly, searching for the sweet tortoiseshell medicine cat he once loved. Soft purring laughter reached his ears. The tom pricked his ears and followed the sound. He found the she-cat sitting near the edge of the ThunderClan-RiverClan border.

"Well done, Firestar. The threat of BloodClan is over and you have served your Clan as you should have," the tortoiseshell purred.

Firestar hung his head. "But, I let Whitstorm die!" he protested bitterly.

"Firestar. You did everything a leader should have and you have done ThunderClan proud. There are more pressing matters at hand," Spottedleaf half-scolded. "Come closer Firestar. Look into the river."

The leader did so. An image of three cats running through the night shimmered on the water's surface.

"Spottedleaf? I-I don't understand," Firestar stammered.

"These cats have separate warrior ancestors, Firestar. Whether they bear good news or bad depends on how you receive and act upon it. Your abilities as a leader will be tested to the full on their arrival. Do not forget: Inferno, Jet, Dragon and Phoenix," the medicine cat said mysteriously.

"Other warrior ancestors? Other than StarClan? But there are only three of them Spottedleaf! Where is the fourth? Spottedleaf!" but the tom's voice echoed back in an empty clearing. Spottedleaf was gone.

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"Spottedleaf!" Firestar jerked awake. His dream from StarClan was still fresh.

"Inferno, Jet, Dragon and Phoenix. I will remember Spottedleaf. Trust me, I will," Firestar murmured. "Trust me, I will."

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_It's not funny yet. It will get funnier when I have more time. Which warrior has a name starting with 'a'? Please review and let me know. Thanks!_


	2. The 'A' warrior

**_To Bash a Warrior Cat_**

**_The 'A' Warrior_**

_**Disclaimer: **...you know…_

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_Thanks to all who reviewed! I just came up with a **very** **interesting **idea. In the meantime, the WindClan deputy Ashfoot is in for one heck of a time with the arrival of the 'Inferno, Jet, Dragon and Phoenix'. Let the bashing commence!_

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Scenario: Ashfoot and Mudfur are out on a dawn petrol near the Thunderpath.

"Hey! Ashfoot! There are three intruders! On WindClan territory too! We'll give them a clawing they won't forget in hurry!" the brown warrior hissed, unsheathing his claws. Ashfoot was about to agree when her Clanmate snarled. "They're rogues! Why we'll show them what WindClan warriors do when their territory is invaded!"

"Are you sure that is wise, Mudfur? There are three of them and two of us," Ashfoot stated.

"What are you? A kittypet? Besides, the smallest is barely old enough to be an apprentice!" the warrior shot back. Not giving his deputy time to reply, he sprang at the three cats. Ashfoot then had no choice but to follow suit.

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The smallest cat yowled in surprise as the brown and grey warriors leapt at it. It was knocked out of the way by the silver-blue cat, which stood protectively in front of it. The other cat, a lithe tom with a glossy red-tinged black coat and magma-red eyes, swiveled next to the brown WindClan warrior and planted a long slash down his shoulder. They were no kittypets; the move was executed with grace and skill. The slash was deep enough to disable but just shallow enough so the other cat was not crippled for life. The red-black tom swerved and bit Mudfur on the same leg fiercely. The warrior fell to the ground, front leg mauled, disabled.

The WindClan deputy was shocked. The efficiency of these strangers was ultimate; ruthless and merciless, leaving no room to spare anyone's feelings. She whirled, ready to sprint back to her Clan's camp. She felt a weight barrel into her side, momentarily paralyzing her, before seeing the same red-black tom's sheathed paw coming down on her. It struck her shoulder, causing it to burn with excruciating pain. Her vision swam and Ashfoot struggled to maintain consciousness. The red-black cat lowered himself to the same level as the disabled deputy.

"Now we shall talk," the intruder meowed, tone of voice holding a hint of grim satisfaction.

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The smallest intruder, a young pretty she-cat with a red-gold oddly-marked coat and eyes the colour of molten gold, tended Mudfur's wounds with a strange variety of herbs as the silver-blue tom crouched next to the red-black one.

"Well, let's see what we got ourselves _this_ time, an oversized genetically-modified rabbit? A mutant shrew from outer space?" he mewed sarcastically. Seeing the look the other gave him, he sprung up in time to avoid a swipe from the elder tom. He backed off a few steps, muttering, "Whoa! Touché, touché!" obviously to himself but so loudly that it was obviously a statement for all to hear. The red-black tom scowled as the she-cat giggled. She was done with Mudfur, although; Ashfoot saw with a hint of pride, the brown warrior certainly did not go to any pains to help make her job easier. The red-gold cat applied pressure to the side of Ashfoot's mouth, forcing her to open it. A pawful of bitter herbs was stuffed forcefully down her throat. Ashfoot unwillingly swallowed them. The she-cat smiled.

"Okay, let's start with the easy questions. What's your name?" she asked pleasantly.

"_You _ask the questions? I think not! What's your business on WindClan territory anyway?" the deputy spat, earning both of the tom's disapproving glances. The she-cat frowned and quickly shoved a small bunch of flowers under Ashfoot's nose and placed a paw on the deputy's forehead.

"Your name is _Ashpaw?_" she asked in disbelief. "but you're _surely **far**_ too **_old _**to be an **_apprentice!_**" Ashfoot winced. _Wow, she sure boosts your self-esteem,_ she thought.

"I'm not an apprentice," the WindClan cat said slowly. "I ha-"

"_What? Do you mean to say that you **haven't even been apprenticed yet?**_" she screamed hysterically. The silver-blue tom laughed nervously.

"Um, aren't you overreacting just a _tiny bit?"_ he asked. Big mistake.

"_You-"_she rounded on the tom. He gulped. "just keep you big mouth _shut!_ This _'kit' _is _older _than your_ mentor, _for the Kin's sake!"

"Yes ma'am," he whimpered.

"That's not _quite_ it-" Ashfoot started meekly. She was cut off again.

"_Did. You. Say. Something?" _the voice was falsely pleasant and the golden eyes were murderous.

"No ma'am," Ashfoot whimpered, mimicking the silver-blue tom.

"Good. I'm sleepy. Night," she meowed happily and fell to the ground in deep slumber.

"Whew, that's over," the youngest tom sighed over-exaggeratedly. Ashfoot couldn't agree more.

"She forgot that it's currently dawn and _that her cousin would be mad with her if she slept now and would refuse to talk to her for a week if he found out_," the red-black cat stressed the second half of the sentence.

"Ah! Its dawn already? Why didn't anybody wake me up?" she saw Ashfoot lying on the ground as if for the first time. "Eh? Who are you?"

_uh oh._ "I'm Ash_foot_, deputy of WindClan," she meowed nervously.

"_Oh…_ I thought you were a genetically-modified-mutant-squirrel-from-outer-space-which-just-happened-to-look-like-a-cat," she purred as if it were the most normal thing in the world to find genetically-modified-mutant-squirrels-from-outer-space-which-just-happen-to-look-like-cats right outside your camp. Then, "I have _one_ more question. Why in the world are you lying on a bunch of genetically-modified-lavender-flowers-used-for-calming-medicine-and-not-bedding and not getting up from the ground?"

_What in great StarClan is this nutcase talking about? Isn't that two questions?_ "Huh?" Ashfoot mewed stupidly, staring like an idiot. Which she is.

The golden eyes widened. "**I. ASK. YOU. QUESTION. YOU. ANSWER. WHY. YOU. LIE. ON. FLOWERS. AND. NOT. GET. UP**?" she said slowly and loudly, as if talking to a retard. (With 100 deliberation! Get one from the closest convenience store about 102 miles from town today!)

"Uh, I'm temporarily paralyzed and you stuffed the flowers underneath my nose in the first place," the deputy said. _Great StarClan! Where's Mudfur? Why isn't he helping me? Somebody, **anybody**, even that lousy no-good Tigerstar's kits, **heeellppplp meeehhhhh!**_

(Mudfur was giving the poor girl a hard time and she was trying to help him. Put two and nine together plus a little fraction on the side for her temperament and you get the solution: she knocked him out.)

"Oh. **_I. SORRY. MAKE. YOU. HURT. I. GIVE. YOU. SOMETHING. MAKE. YOU. NO. HURT."_** And with that, she stuffed a bright yellow fruit under the deputy's face. "**_THIS. GOOD. MAKE. NO. HURT. YOU. EAT." _**She chirped cheerfully.

The silver-blue tom's eyes grew by 5mm each. "But, that's a _mango._ Mangoes aren't healing herbs or plants or _anything_. They're just _fruit."_

She kicked him while pleasantly looking at Ashfoot. "Moron! _She _doesn't know that!" she hissed under her breath.

"Sor-ry ma'am!" he muttered, also under his breath. Ashfoot heard the exchange and looked down at the mango in front of her. _A fruit? No healing properties though, according to that one. No harm in trying, right?_

"Besides. I stuffed some Mountain berries in it," she added casually as the WindClan cat swallowed the last of it. "You know, the ones used to invoke the thought process? And the ones to boost intelligence? _And_ the ones to remove paralyses and some coffee beans. Don't ask, please. Oh yes, and some mint."

Ashfoot froze with horror. _What! _She thought. _Oh no! I'm being murdered by a bunch of rogue lunatics! StarClan, help me!_

"**_I. NEED. YOU. ANSWER. MY. QUESTION. YOU. KNOW. CAT. WHO. LOOK. LIKE. ME?"_** The she-cat yelled at the grey warrior. She looked like she was actually enjoying herself.

"Of course, though, the tom isn't _as crazy as her_ or _as good-looking as me_," the young silver-blue tom added confidently.

"Stop it, you! You're the biggest egomaniac of the millennia!" the red-black tom snarled as he swiped at him.

"Ah! Who, humble little innocent me? I though that was _you!"_ the tom shot back as he dodged the swipe as if this exchange happened every day. Which, Ashfoot had little doubt, did. _Poor red-black tom. He seemed almost sensible. He would be if he didn't travel with these fruitcakes._

"Do you know somebody, _anybody,_ who has a flame-coloured pelt and is a tom?" the red-black tom said through gritted teeth. "I don't care if they're kittypets, kits, leaders, rogues or loners, genetically-modified mutant cats from outer-space or half-dead mouse-brained fools! I just need to know!"

moment of silence. Crickets chirp

The red-gold she-cat leaned closer to the silver-blue tom.

"He's lost it. Whatever he had before? Yes, he's lost it."

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_1402 words. Wow. Yes, yes. I know. I totally messed up the sequence of events. Who cares? I don't. Can you review and tell me which cat starting with 'b' you would like me to bash? If no-one reviews I'm going for Blackstar._


	3. The 'B' Warriors

_**To Bash a Warrior Cat**_

**_The 'B' Warriors_**

_Since so many nice people reviewed, I will do my best to do all of the cats you requested. Sorry for not updating in such a long time._

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_Scenario: Brightheart, Brackenfur and Brambleclaw are on a dawn patrol near Fourtrees when they hear a commotion from the WindClan territory._

Brambleclaw froze. "Did you hear that?" he asked his Clanmates. They nodded.

"Sounded like the WindClan deputy. She might be in trouble! We have to help her!" the tabby continued.

"Brambleclaw's right," Brightheart agreed. "We have to help."

"Fine. Then, what are we waiting for?" Brackenfur said, rushing to the source of the sound. His Clanmates scrambled to keep up.

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**Around this time, Ashfoot was praying that the crazy trio would vanish. Needless to say, her hopes were dashed.**

"Oh! Look! A rabbit! Yee-hah! Ouch! Get off me! Elephant!" The smallest one was crazy. Definitely crazy.

"Lunatics. I'm stuck traveling with a pair of moronic crackpots," the eldest tom sighed miserably. Ashfoot saw Mudfur stirring. Her spirits rose ever so slightly.

A yowl broke out. And it meant help had arrived.

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The ThunderClan warriors appeared from the masses of plain grasses which formed the terrain of WindClan territory. The smallest cat looked up at them. Then it sat down and started scratching the ground. The silver-blue tom made a big show of yawning and the red-black one just stared. All seemed unimpressed. Not the kind of reaction the ThunderClan warriors were expecting, for sure.

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The she-cat finished her scratching and looked straight at the warriors. She studied them a while before clearing her throat.

"Announcing the results. The she-cat is awarded 5 points. She lost points for being half blind and looking like a retard. The ugly tom is awarded 3 points just because I don't like him and he's old. The tabby is awarded 8 points because he was leading the lot of you which means he's fast, entered the stage well and just because I like being unfair. Those are the results. Will the winner please step over to the winning post? THANK YOU," she said mechanically. The ThunderClan cats blinked stupidly.

"Idiots. Don't you know what points are?" the red-gold she-cat snapped. When there was no reply, she dropped to the ground in an anime faint; complete with swirly eyes.

crickets chirp

"No comment," the red-black tom sighed.

The silver-blue laughed like a maniac for no apparent reason. Then he got hit on the head with a rock thrown by his mentor.

"Um, aren't we supposed to fight or something?" asked Brightheart timidly.

"Noooo," the red-black said sarcastically. "We're supposed to put on dresses and prance around with flowers in our fur and have a girly tea party."

"We are?" Brackenfur asked.

"Man, are you lot thick! No, duh morons!" the silver-blue said.

Moment of silence…then…

"Huh?"

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Loud singing broke the thick silence. It was kind of hard to understand at first so if you weren't used to it you would hear—" Ohgreatestclanwhichrulesoverusallpleaseforgive-whateversinswehavecommiteduntotheeandwehumblypleadforyourforigenessanddeliverencefromthesestupidpatheticmoroniccatssothatwemaycompleteyournoblequestinthenameofourclantheimmortalofkinandcompleteyourworthycausethankyouallthisweaskonourclansbehalfthankyou" – over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in a single breath. The she-cat had woken up.

"SHUT UP ALREADY YOU STUPID MORON!" the silver-blue screamed.

"Oh, wow. Look at the time; we really have to run. Good bye!" the red-black said with a fake laugh as he grabbed his companions and ran… unknowingly in a straight line along the ShadowClan border.

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"You moronic idiots! What the heck were you thinking!" the red-black screamed at them as they ran… and ran… and ran… innocently into ShadowClan territory. And not just any part of ShadowClan territory; they came upon the ShadowClan camp itself.

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crickets chip

"Uh, hi? We come in peace. Please let us pass? Or better yet… give us directions? I think we're slightly more than a bit lost," the red-gold cat stuttered nervously as the ShadowClan cats stared at the rogue intruders who dared to burst into the heart of ShadowClan in a pathetic number of three cats and ask for directions. To put it simply, they were amazed by these strangers suicidal act. They either were really, really brave, really, really, desperate or just plain stupid. Majority wins and the majority is option three…

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"Maybe they don't speak our language," the red-gold cat whispered loudly. The silver-blue cat nodded. "Okay, I'll try. Ay-may e-way peak-say ith-way uor-yay eader-lay?" it meowed.

"Um, isn't that_ Pig _Latin? We're cats. So are they. Besides, when did you learn how to speak that?"

"Half a minute ago when the author decided that I should," he replied calmly.

"You. Are. Both. Useless. Brainless. Fur balls," the red-black hissed through gritted teeth.

"Fur balls have brains? I didn't know that!" the she-cat exclaimed.

"They don't."

"gasp Simultaneous!" she gasped. Apprentice and mentor exchanged looks. They seemed to understand one another as an interesting dialogue followed.

"We could but Kairanstar would have a fit if he found out," the elder tom said in all seriousness. The younger looked just as serious.

"Besides, it would just make our lives more miserable if we had to drag the body around, no?" he asked/sighed. The red-black mentor sighed and nodded.

"Plan A comes first! Always, always, always! That is Plan B!" the silver-blue furred cat meowed cheerfully. His mentor looked at him from the corner of his eye, the white showing obviously. _I must be going mental. I need to stay calm. If both of them go high on me one more time, I'm going to balk!_

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Blackstar surveyed the threesome. Russetfur was standing right by his left shoulder. The fact that any cat outside the Clan had entered the heart of its territory was extremely serious and disturbing. The black-ish one looked exhausted to the point of collapsing and the other two were asking all sorts of weird questions in a language which probably didn't exist. He thought. But, hey! Nobody is perfect, right?

"Nobody is perfect. I am Nobody. Therefore I am the perfect and all-mighty one! ALL HAIL ME, THE GREATEST! BOW TO YOUR QUEEN! I AM THE QUEEN OF SUGAR-HIGH LOONIES AND SUGAR-PLUM FAIRIES AND SUGAR IN GENERAL! GO MEH! WHOOHOOOOH!" the red-gold she-cat obviously suffered some kittenhood trauma that left serious mentality issues. She was to be pitied. Perhaps; she could be doing it on purpose. Suddenly, the crazy cat turned very not so crazy. Narrowed eyes turned on the cat formerly known as Blackfoot. Suddenly, a not-so-good feeling swept round the gathered Shadowclan cats.

"You. You know the location of the red-gold tom likened to Flamepelt. Where is he? You will tell me now. Where is the house cat named" she paused. "Rusty?"

A murmur of confusion spread among the Clan cats as the lush reddish-golden pelt of the sugar-high she-cat rippled and darkened. The golden eyes closed and re-opened as an eerie mysterious jaded green.

"It is unwise to keep such as I waiting, Blackstar, leader of ShadowClan, formerly known as Blackfoot, deputy of ShadowClan, and before that, a warrior and an apprentice by the name of Blackpaw. And you as a kitten, ah, you are surprised, no? Blackkit!" the dark she-cat mewed almost tauntingly. She gave a spine-chilling glare, blank eyes staring. She frowned before continuing. "Your memories are so crude. Unworthy of my knowing ,almost. However thick you may be, you have at least little value. I know the location of the 'Mark'. For this small service you have rendered, I will spare your life."

The three cats turned and walked away, leaving a stunned wake of Clan cats in their wake.

"Oh, yes. If you do have even the slightest tad of sense, you will warn your other Clans. Jet, Inferno, Dragon and Phoenix have arrived."

They disappeared into the shrubbery of the Shadowland marshes.

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Firestar awoke from a vivid dream. "Spottedleaf," he whispered. "The cats which were sent have arrived. The Dragon, the Phoenix, the Inferno and the Jet. And I know what you meant at last. There are not three cats but four in spirit. Jet resides within Phoenix."

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_Well, that was... very long. I'm sorry for not updating in so so so so so long but... DAMN THE PSLE TO HELL! My Ra, I HATE exams. I'm not supposed to be on the computer so I had better get of ASAP... DRAGONWING! TAKE OVER!_

_VI: NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Are you mental woman? You don't EVER let HIM take over._

_Go dunk yourself in a lake or sumwhat, Volcanicinferno._

_VI: that will do nicely. wanders off_

_DW: How come my initials are so sissy? Ah, never mind. Now, what begins with "C"?_

_PF: Clouds, Cows, Cloudtail, Cows, Crows, Cows, Crowfeather, Cows, Cinders, Cows, Cedar, Cows, Crabs, Cows, Cider, Cows, and um... Did I say Cows? No? Okay! COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS COWS!_

_NJ: Enough about dumb cattle. takes over Now you will vote for either Cloudtail or Crowfeather. At least 3 reviews for my appearance or else I will maim the author so she is incapable of writing and/or typing for a week. Thank you and good day._


	4. The 'C' warrior

_**To Bash a Warrior Cat**_

**_The 'C' warrior_**

_Hello everybody! Today, the victim shall be a cat from ThunderClan! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome for ThunderClan's very own Cloudtail!_

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Scenario: Cloudtail is on his way to visit Princess

As our fluffy white hero of this chapter was making his way to his mother's fence, he smelled intruders of ThunderClan territory. So Cloudtail had to be his typical rash self and nose around the bushes to see who was sitting there.

"Hi there! What's your name?" a friendly voice meowed. Cloudtail spun around and his jaw dropped to the ground. Sitting there was a small she-cat that looked like Firestar, only younger, female and more...gold.

"Are ya deaf or something? I asked you a question. Now answer me. Rabbit or kangaroo?"

"What?"

"Oh, never mind. That was for the people from 6 Patience 2006 who are nodding and laughing at this. Now, you're..?"

"Um, I'm Cloudtail."

"There is a very pretty smoke Egyptian Mau down the road… Did you say something?"

"I answered your question."

"If you said Rabbit, you win one million dollars."

"Huh?"

"Your name is Cloudtail. Now if you know anyone who looks like me, find him."

"You know Firestar?"

"Fetch him for me please. Thank you." The she-cat sat with her tail curled round her paws. "I won't move an inch."

Cloudtail recovered from slight shock and ran back to camp. He tripped over exactly fourteen mouses/meeces/mice/mices. smug grinI should know, I counted.

yamimaniacyamimaniac

And thus, Cloudtail stumbled into the ThunderClan camp like he'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity.

So naturally, the deputy asks the leader's nephew why he stumbled into the ThunderClan camp like he'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity.

Muahaha, no, that was NOT a typo error.

When the deputy finds out, he too looks like he'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity.

So they go tell Firestar, who, unlike his deputy and nephew, does NOT look like he'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity.

In fact, what the brilliant leader said was: "Oh, that's all right. Why are you two looking like you've seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity."

Both deputy and nephew fainted. And they had to be dragged off to the medicine cat's den looking like they'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity.

I believe you are all sick of hearing/reading the phrase "like he'd seen a ShadowClan kit bouncing on its head on ThunderClan territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity."

Good news, you won't see it again in this chapter.

Bad news, I've been known as a lair.

So just to prove it, you can read it again. Unless, of course, I'm just flattering myself thinking there's anybody reading this. Look out for it.

On a more serious note…the fic shall go on.

yamimaniacyamimaniac

"So, they have come," Firestar mused. "I wonder what they have in store for the Clans."

"Hopefully, not all of us will end up looking like we've seen another Clan's kit bouncing on its head on our Clan's territory. Which, as we all know, will never happen. Ever. In eternity."

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_YM: The blue-purple button is waiting…for you_

_I sound freaky_


	5. The 'D' warrior

_**To Bash a Warrior Cat**_

**_The 'D' Warrior_**

_YM: Sorry for waiting forever to update. Anyhow, I AM BACK!_

_Today's victim is Dustpelt…Muahahaha._

yamimaniacyamimaniac

The dark brown tabby was stalking a wood mouse. Or a wood chuck. Hey, it's a _cat_, you think it, whoops, _he_ cares if it's a mouse or a chuck thing that's he's eating for dinner? I hope it, sorry, _he_ isn't that picky. If _he_ is, I'll just send him to throw himself off a cliff. Oh, there aren't any cliffs around? The river will do then. He can drown himself in it.

Anyway, where was I, ah, yes. He was stalking the itsy bitsy thing-a-midget rodent or whatever it's called when he heard shuffling noises that made the small brown-furred creature with _a tiny little brain_ run away. Which small brown-furred creature with _a tiny little brain_ ran away you ask? I don't see _two_ of those wood chuck/mouse things. Oh, you're referring to Dustpelt? I get it. What made you decide that he was a candidate? Was it the statement 'tiny little brain' or 'small brown-furred creature'? Both? I understand. On with the story!

So this cat hears shuffling and the mouse-thing ran away so he/it went to investigate. He saw a silver-blue cat shuffling in a circle with his eyes closed. He was chanting rhythmically. A black-furred paw stuck out and the silver-pelted cat tripped.

"Stop your 'I was walking in a circle' thing now! Understand?" the other cat hissed.

The silver-blue cat made an exaggerated bow. "Yes, your _majesty_."

Dustpelt blinked. Stupidly. Like an idiot. Which he is. But there is a duty to be done. "What are you doing on ThunderClan territory?" he demanded.

"Walking in circles, of course!" the silver cat mewed hyperactively. He was bouncing from hyperloonyness. What? 'Hyperloonyness' isn't a word recognized by the dictionary? Well, I say it is, so there!

"If you keep making an ugly face like that, you're going to get wrinkles when you're old and ugly!" the silver cat mewled.

"We're cats, we don't get wrinkles," Dustpelt pointed out.

"Oh," the silver cat mewed. "Well, never mind!" he said resolutely. "There's always a first and I'm sure you're it!"

The black cat, the sensible one, sighed. "I'm leaving." He announced.

"Easier Done than Said!" the silver cat challenged.

"Easier said than done!" the black corrected before turning and leaving.

"So…want to play a game?" the silver cat asked Dustpelt. The dark brown tabby shook his head until it almost flew off his neck. "Yay! Thank you!" the silver cat squealed in delight.

Dustpelt had a very bad feeling about this.

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_YM: Review! Who is the 'E' warrior?_


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